Being a Fat Woman Questionnaire

My friend Ella recently answered this questionnaire that was put to 2 plus size women by Cosmo, The article names 'What being a fat woman is really like' talks about body image and general life around being fat. Ella took the inspiration to answer these questions herself from her friend Michaela and given that I am resolved to be more honest I have decided to answer the questions as well.
 
How do you feel when other women around you complain about feeling/being fat?
I have no qualms with it at all. We all have issues with our bodies from extra fat to things such as blemishes or skin issues.

How has your body image changed since high school? College?
For me I have always been fat. Even when I was little. I have gotten bigger with the years and this has lead to finding new ways of looking good in bigger clothes, but being big is the normal for me.

Have you tried dieting? What happened?
Yes, far too many times. I lost 6 stone 8 years ago and spent the next 6 years putting it all back on. Mostly I get bored. I try to eat a varied diet and not to cut out on chocolate or crisps completely because previous diets have taught me that it leads me to binge eat my weight in these items. I am currently dieting and slowly loosing weight. Right now I'm just looking to maintain my weight and not get any heavier again.

Do you think in your case your weight is partly or entirely genetic?
Who knows? I'd love to say genetic as half my family is bigger and half is normal. But I think that I just love my food too much and am quite a boredom eater.

Do you consider yourself healthy? Have there been instances where people assumed you were unhealthy?
I am healthy in the terms that I don't have too many medical conditions and none that are solely attributed to my weight. However I am unfit, I have an active job doing lots of walking around but when it comes to stairs, running or any other activities I get out of breath pretty quickly. Flip side is that due to my job I have lots of stamina when it comes to walking.

Are your parents both supportive of you at the weight you're at? Have they always been?
Nothing has ever really been said apart from when I was a child and they could still control me to a certain point. I think they are happy as long as I am and though they may think that me loosing weight is good it has never been said.

How do you think retailers can improve clothes for plus-size people?
Mostly, just keeping the same shapes instead of changing them and causing drowning withing the material.

Do you think plus-size women are judged differently than plus-sized men are? How?
Most Definitely. I think the main problem is the media and their constant haranguing of any celeb that does not eat celery 5 times a day. I also think that as a male dominated society (sorry but its true, women have come a long way and will get equal right in the end, however we are still second to men in a lot of ways) we are more accepting of a man and their choices.

Do you think there’s an assumption made/stereotype that exists about plus-size people? How would you respond to it?
The main one that always annoys me is that we are lazy. Its the same of all sizes, some are lazy and some are normal and some are really active. I hate the judge a book by its cover (skin) mentality. We are all different, not just in our personalities but also in our lives. I think that we are also seen as disgusting a lot of the time and get told that we can't do this or that, such as wearing a bikini. Why not? if a big man can wear shorts with his belly hanging over it why can't we. Everyone, no matter size has the right to do what they want without fear or bullying.

Do you think there’s ever a right way or time to express concern about someone’s weight?
I think it depends on the person. Some people like to told and others would rather not. I don't think I would ever comment unless asked though.

What are the worst things people have said to you about your body?
From being bullied about weight all through school I have heard them all. Titanic Tina was always my personal fav.

How did you respond?
I tend not to think about or worry about it. Even now if I walk past a bunch of teenagers that have a comment on their tongues I either come back with a retort or I carry on walking. It does not worry me. My mother always said that I can loose the weight but they will be forever ugly on the inside.

What have people said (or do you wish they’d say) that would compliment your body or appearance?
I've had compliments say I have nice eyes, boobs, skin, teeth. But I guess its hard to believe. I've never really been able to take a compliment so I say thank you and move on.

Do you find yourself hanging out with women who are closer to your size?
I wouldn't say so. I've had friends with all different body sizes. I like to connect with people on the merit of who they are and not what they look like. That's how I have found my closest friends.

How has your weight affected your sex life, if at all? 
Ah sex. This is truly a subject that I'm not comfortable talking about. I like sex to be private and intimate and where I have never had a large sex drive I will say that even as I got bigger things have not ever changed in that area.

When you've been single, has your weight affected your dating life?
When I was in school I will say yes. But once I left and started having fun and being free then no. I've pretty much fallen into every relationship without looking for one.

Do you feel weird if the guy you’re with only dates larger women?
No, We all have our little likes and dislikes. I think it's just what you like, some men like blond hair others like long legs. As long as the person wasn't dismissive of slim women and liked me for who I was then it would not be a problem.

Do you feel weird if he's only dated slimmer women before you?
Again no. There may be a simple factor to do with humour that he'd only ever found in slimmer women before. Who knows? All I care about is that he likes me, treats me right and wouldn't compare me to the previous women.

Friday Favorites - Blush

 I never used to use blush, my cheeks were always so red that even with a layer of foundation the redness would show. Over the last few years the brightness has toned itself down. My cheeks are still rather red but with a primer and foundation it almost matches the rest of my face and I've been able to start playing around with blush and bronzers.

A. Benefit Coralista    B. Blush Rose Gold    C. Natio Duo - Beige    D. Natio Duo - Mocha

 These above are my current popular go to choices. Firstly Benefits Coralista which I spotted in boots last year. Months went by and either I couldn't find it or I didn't have the money to buy it. Christmas came and thankfully my best friend has the foresight to put it in my hamper and I haven't looked back. It can be built up for a more dramatic look but is great just add that nice shade to your cheeks. It is what it said it is, its a coral colour with a slight shimmer that is great for spring days out.

 Sleeks offering of a lovely shade called Rose Gold is just divine, its pink with some gold pigment woven into it, I love just brushing it on the apple of my cheeks and up my cheek bone line to give it the best chance of catching the light. It has become my go to blush and for £5 who can argue if you run out. Like the Coralista it can be build up for a more striking appearance or you can just brush it on gently for a more elegant and subtle effect. I also quite like giving this a sweep between my eye make up and brow bone to add a little colour and make my eye pop,

 Finally a duo from Natio called sunshine. It has one very light beige powder with a little glitter that I have found great for highlighting or for brushing over other blush if you have gone a little heavy. The other choice in the case is a mocha that is very complimentary for light skin especially if you use it as an under colour for another blush. However its when you use them in tandem is when you see that they are designed to be together. I can create a shadow effect that makes me look like I have much deeper cheeks than I do.

 There are a plethora of choices in blush and I tend to stick to more neutral ones. Ones that I can play with, mix and build up to create whatever look I want to achieve.  Adventurous or safe these are just a few that will remain in my make up arsenal.

Thankful Thursday

There are lots of little and big thing to be thankful. The smallest things can make a dreadful day into a good one. Stopping on occasions and appreciating the things that make you happy is a good way to lift your mood more. So I'm going to share a few things with you.

• Bright Flowers
• Starbucks with Friends
• A Clean Home
• Listening to music
• Being Silly
• Watching the Sunset
• A Working Car
• Burning a Yankee Candle
• Laughing Hard
• Sound of the Early Morning Silence
• Options Butterscotch Hot Chocolate
• Soap and Glory Hand Food
• The Smell of Freshly Cut grass
• Checking Mail for Deliveries
• Dancing to that one song that makes you move like an idiot.

Whatever you are doing this Thursday, I hope that you are having or have had a lovely day and that you have taken the time to stop and look and enjoy it.

9 Little Words

Home Sweet Home

These little decorative blocks sit on my window sill and remind me everyday to be a little thankful.

Home is that place where you can relax, it is your personal space where you are free to be.... well, free to be whatever you want. If you hate clothes you can be naked (generally frowned upon when in public - don't you know) you can sing as much as you want even if you are tone deaf, Maybe you just hate wearing socks and bras and cant wait to get them off. Its your slice of the world no matter If you have a room, a flat, a house or a palace to call your home, its yours. When you come in from a hard days work you can kick of your shoes pop on the telly and watch whatever you want.

Our homes are what we make of them, but they are us. From the furniture to food in the cupboard it is an extension of who you are and what you like and this makes it personal. It's why getting your home perfect is an almost impossible task. As we grow and learn our tastes change and the drive to translate that to home design is pretty much instinctual. Remember when you were eleven and thought turning one of your bedrooms walls into a collage of Spice Girls, Backstreet Boys, Dogs and food was a good idea? No? maybe that was just me, and yes an actual collage where I glued them to the wall and resulted in me pinning a Welsh dragon towel over it when I came to my senses.

Home Sweet Home may be just three words that are plastered on mugs, plaques, decals and all other household items, but its sentiment is sound. Home is where you hang you hat (or bra in my case) and you can make it your haven.

Live Laugh Love

Live is an uncomplicated word that we have managed to complicate, to twist. Its simple and poignant, yet overused and sometimes forgotten in the swath of everyday live. Its what we should be doing everyday. Work to be able to live and enjoy life, not live to work. Live each day in the present and make the most of what you've got. Live because life can throw many a curve ball into the works but getting past them and gaining a sense of achievement is quite intoxicating. Live, the simple word Buffy used when she dies saving the world and her sister. Maybe that one is not the best example. Regardless life for enjoying, for experimenting, for making mistakes, for learning, for experiencing and in its purest form: Life is for Living!

Laughing can be infectious and is always fun. except maybe when its a laugh or cry scenario. What I take away from this word is that everything is better in a good spirit. Problems wont go away, but your attitude is what will make or break the situation. Find the funny side of everything, trying to not just survive but to be positive and happy.

Finally we come to Love, in all it's forms: Sibling, Parents, Children, Partner, Friends, Pets or Cake. Love makes us almost unique on our planet, It may stem from a survival mechanism, but it's strong and it's lasting. We act upon our feelings in a way that can make us sappy or crazy, normally the latter. Even though its a strong feeling we can forget why we love someone or indeed something. We can sweep away the emotions and be clouded by bad judgements. No matter what we have an amazing capacity to love and as it was said by Hugh Grant, 'Love actually is all around us'. Even if we don't see it or feel it, and remembering to show someone why you love them just a little everyday is important.

Follow Your Dreams

Dream big or small, it makes no difference. Certain dreams will only be attainable by luck, such as winning the lottery, but most are achievable by hard work and effort. Complacency is the ruin of a dream. Routines are neither good or bad; get up, brush teeth, make a cup of tea, etc, but everyday life will keep on ticking and pass you by. The trick is not to let the everyday life deter you from what you want and to make time to set out your own goals.

You could have a simple dream of having one hour a day void of interruptions or distractions. Your dream may be more active such as going bungee jumping or even starting your own business. We are our own worst enemies and we can so easily stand in our own ways by creating reasons. reasons are more often that not just an excuse that is so rooted into our daily life that we can't see that there are ways around it. So I say that we all need to dream and take the time to realise our dreams and find the steps to achieve it.

So, 9 little words with very big meanings, reminders for everyday to make life a little better.

Lazy Days

Over halfway through my two weeks off work and what I have I done? the truth is not that much. I gave my home a good spring clean, doing the things that get forgotten. I have met up with friends and gone to the cinema. Caught up on the TV shows and read a book. All in all it's just been a relaxing time, with few commitments and all day to do what I need or want to. I don't get this often. Normally my weeks off coincide with my husband as hes in work for 60+ hours in the week, I rarely get to spend more than a half day with him as my shifts are always different and I tend to be in work when hes home. Sod's law, but our weeks off are our own time and they fly by. I get a few more hols off a year than him and these two weeks are my full on me time.

It really is nice not to have to worry about ironing shirts or being so busy that I loose track of how many whites he has left and last minute throwing a load on. Its nice not to be on my feet, running around a huge store. To be able to do things leisurely instead of as quick as possible. The time is flying by, as weeks off always do, but I have thoroughly enjoyed it. Its a shame that it can't happen more often, but then if it did it would not be such a treat. The beauty of these weeks is that they are a yearly rarity and even though ill be back to my usual last minute self soon enough, for now the time is making me organised and relaxed.

Friday Favorites - Perfumes

Today I thought I would share my favorite perfumes from ones I wear everyday to what I save for a special occasion.

The first three are my everyday, they are all fruity or floral and not to overpowering. I fell in love with Lady Gaga Fame when it first came out, so I instantly asked for a bottle for Christmas. I have two more bottles ready to go when this is finished. not that I'm expecting for there to be a sudden shortage, It was just one of those things, I was almost out of my first bottle, I asked a friend to buy me another one as a gift and I found the other on offer and could not leave it there. A fusion of dripping honey, saffron and apricot nectar with a floral layer of crushed tiger orchid & jasmine, The perfume is sweet and floral without being sickly, plus it's a black liquid that dries clear, perhaps a touch of mystery that is reminiscent of Gaga herself.

The Katy Perry Killer Queen was a love hate when I first smelled it, though it may have more to do with the fact my nose was filled with trying out ten other perfumes before I got to it on its stand. I actually walked away disinterested with it and it was only when I went back into the perfume shop and tried it first that it hit a note with me. The initial smell of fruits such as dark plum, wild berry and bergamot and changing into the floral combination of velvet flower, rainbow plumeria and natural jasmine are a play full and delightful mixture.

Onto Britney Spears Midnight Fantasy which is not as rich or quite as intoxicating as killer Queen or Fame, but it is a little more fresh. The downside is that it does not last as long as the others either, however it is cheaper and generally on offer so the downside is outweighed by the ease of getting it. The overall fruity smells of black cherries, framboise, exotic plum and undertones of orchid, freesia flirts and velvet iris makes it a crisp and lusty scent.

The next grouping are my more woody smelling perfumes. I first had Armani Mania bought for me when I was 18 from my aunt and it has become my absolute favorite perfume of all time. It is expensive so I only use it for special occasions, the above bottle is 18 months old and I hope to make it last to Christmas because then I can ask for it a present. Why do I love it so much? for me its just a perfect blend that makes it both sensual and sophisticated. A fresh burst of Moroccan laurel  mingled with florals and sensual cedar, sandalwood, amber and musk for a fragrance that is unsurpassed.





Lastly the cheapest option on my table is from Next and is simply called Gold. Golden flower nectar's, sweet vanilla and molten amber gives it a slightly musky aura that is perfect for a little more of a spicy smell to change it up from the sweet, floral and fruity choices that I normally make.

This is only half of my perfume collection and if asked if I have to many I will always maintain that variety is the spice of life.

Coffee Date Spends

Every now and then, myself and my Best Friend get together for a Starbucks coffee date which always turns into a mini shopping trip. No matter how much we try and be good we fail. We really do try, but we both work hard and need a treat now and again and though we budget we do occasionally buy more than we need.

Why? Well when things are on offer such as 3 for 2, we think well its better to buy it now and get our moneys worth. Or you find a dress that is adorable and only £5, then It's better to buy now than later when the price goes up or it may end up sold out. So, armed with our reasoning of we go to look and end up buying.

After grabbing out Starbucks we started having a wander, our first port of call was boots to have a scour over the make up and to get me some dried hair shampoo. Lo and behold what do we find? Soap & Glory on 3for2. I need (NEED) a new body wash and Ella needed a new scrub and body butter so we split it up and she got one of hers free. I bought my dry shampoo after getting so engrossed in smelling all that Soap & Glory had to offer that I almost forgot why we went in there. I picked up Batiste in Cherry, It was actually cheaper than Boots own brand and not even on offer. I do find that Batiste is the best dry hair shampoo, but the Superdrug own is pretty good.

Justifying our purchases we walked out thinking that we can be good now and then we get to the body shop. I wanted to pop in and check out the Vitamin E Overnight Serum and Ella finds that her favourite Vanilla perfume that was discontinued is now back, with new packaging and on 3for2, so she gets one and a Coconut body spray and asks me if I wanted anything so I grabbed a Coconut body spray too. After signing up for their card to get 10% off she choose a mango body butter that came free with the card and a half price hand cream (we have little resolve when there are so many nice things) we left.

Where to next, Primark. We actually did well. I picked up my Mothers Day gifts and Ella found a dress and we made it out relatively unswayed by the pretties on offer. That was pretty much the end of our trip. With laden bags and a slight gilt at our buys but non the less pleased that we got good value for money, we made our way to the car and home.

Little will power aside, I am happy with what I bought and on the way home I stopped off at a shop that has a big choice for Yankee Candles and bought myself two samplers. If nothing else I can say that thanks to my trip myself and my home will be smelling lovely over the coming weeks.

Loosing Weight - Beauty standards?

 With more media portrayal of slim women and more pressure everyday to look a certain way, weight loss has become a booming business, supplying fitness machines, dvd's, games, books, medication and all manner of 'Miracle Products' to help aid in any weight loss. When I started to take up my blogging again, my first post was about what I wanted to achieve in this year. Loosing some weight was a main goal for me and I bit a hard bullet by admitting my weight, which after some reflection I know I let spiral. So 10 weeks into my diet and I am over halfway to my goal. I started at 20st 7lb, today I am 18st 5lb and I want to get down to 16 and a half stone. I will still be obese but I wont be morbidly so at my goal weight. I will eventually go further, but I want to do it slow and steady and improve my chances of keeping it off but lowering by 'maximum weight' by a stone at a time, If I reach my goal within 4 months I may push for one more stone, but I then intend to learn how to maintain my weight for a while so I don't put it all back on.

 Why am I loosing weight? well it's not because anyone has told me so, everyone in my life is supportive and understanding and have never mentioned my weight beyond a few comments in regards to health. I want to drop the sizes because I have a few health issues that are not caused by the weight but are exasperated by it. I want to be able to see items of clothing in a shop and be able to buy them instead of finding the different cut version for the plus sizes. But most of all I want to do it for me. I will never be a size 10, and my dream goal would be to fit in a 16 (borderline 14 with clothes that have give) but I would happily settle to be a size 18.

 There can be a lot of stigmata for a fat or fatter person, from saying they are lazy to disgusting, that it's a life style choice to sheer gluttony. Yes there are a lot of people out there that enjoying being large that revel in it and that make a living from keeping the pounds on, but the truth is they are far and few between. The majority of the larger population have just (without meaning to) allowed themselves to gain more. Like myself, I have always been bigger then the average, but a few extra meals here and a larger portion there and before I knew it my 'maximum weight' kept creeping up. The other end of the scale isn't perfect either, in face you can have more lasting issues from being underweight. I am not lazy either, I work where I spend 7 hours a day 3 days a week running around and I don't spend all my spare time on my bottom.

I see a lot being said that if you large you must have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes and these are all serious issues that can come with being bigger, but I have none of these. In fact I know more people who are of normal weight with these issues than larger folks. Being bigger increases your chance of complications but bad genes can also be such a reason.

 The likelihood of being chastised because you are too slim is far less than if you are too fat. The world will never let us be happy with who we are because we as a race strive for perfection, we have a more negative than positive look at things. Instead of saying whats good we say whats bad. We don't necessarily give compliments where they are due but we are more than happy to critique. So why are we so quick to make snap judgements about why a person is the way they are? I believe that its ingrained in us to see beauty in a certain way and if you are outside that 'norm' then you are not beautiful. I believe this is a pig headed view and wish I could shake some sense into the people that truly believe that you are ugly and disgusting if you are fat. I have had skinny friends, I have had average friends, I have had larger friends and I have had fat friends. They are all beautiful, all individual, all amazing in their strengths. I have never looked at them and thought they would look better a stone lighter.

When I started writing this post I intended it to be a how I've done it. Its turned more into a why and a statement instead. No matter whether you have eaten a ton of cake or just have a glandular issue, we are all allowed to be who we want. This stands no matter what you are; skinny, fat, gay, ginger, religious, young or old. I truly believe that we are all beautiful, I may not be thin but my hair is soft and long, My nose may be too wide but my eyes have flecks of hazel in them that light up in the sun. Beauty is a matter of perspective, and like a flower, we all have little flaws but they do not stop the overall view from being breathtaking and beautiful.

The Bubble & Butters Company - Mango Body Butter

This was a pure impulse buy, I was looking for a gift for my sister in law's birthday and one of these was on the side, open. I put my nose to it (as you do) and fell in love. As my friend so mildly put it, it smells like hubba bubba. Everything from the packaging to the smell will easily put you in a sweet coma and instantly transport you to the mid 90s where big was better and hubba bubba bubbles were your life.

Even though it is a very sweet smell and a tat overpowering, I wanted it and hey at £3 for a tub it wasn't exactly breaking the bank. When you first stick your fingers in and spread it over your skin it does feel a little greasy, but it rubs in very easily and is dry within a few minutes. It soaks into the skin and leaves it feeling smoother and softer. I will say that its not the best body butter I have ever used but for only £3 and as a rather citrus sweet treat it does what is said on the tub. The smell slowly dissipates and after 2 hours i could no longer smell it anymore, but my skin is still soft and smooth.

I picked mine up in Tesco and a little treat, I am happy with my impulsive choice.

My Birthday

My Birthday may have been almost two weeks ago, but I thought I would share some of the things I had

• Money
• Sherlock season 3 dvd
• Mama dvd
• Thor the Dark Wold dvd
• Chocolate
• Bath bits
• A dog toy
• Wine
• Flowers
• More Wine and Flower
• Malibu
• The little Mermaid Shoes
• A purple Star Balloon (yes this needed its own bullet point)
• A beautiful Swarovski necklace

Needless to say that I was spoilt, but for my birthday not only did I get gifts galore I was also made a meal by my husband who just happens to be a chef, In fact not just one two, as I also had American pancakes made for my breakfast.

While he was making the meal, I disappeared for a few hour and appeared at my best friends house where she treated me to a coffee, flowers and a balloon.

he made me my favourite meal of corn fed chicken breast, fondant potatoes and creamed cabbage with a ju made of chicken stock. For desert which was a surprise he made me profiteroles on a bed of caramel. It was stunning and I was thoroughly full after it.

Celtic Manor - Afternoon Tea

 Last week my best friend told me to keep this afternoon free. She told me that she had arranged a surprise and that I was to 'dress pretty and classy' and to pick her up at half one to where we would then go for a little treat.

So today, I spent a silly amount of time doing my hair and make-up, popped in the car and picked her up. She then told me where we were going. It was to the Celtic Manor. I live less than a 15 minute drive from the Manor and have only been there once. It has held host to celebrities, golf championships and later this year the G8 summit. It sits on a hillside that can be seen miles away and is always a little impressive. Needless to say I was excited and still unaware as to the reason.

Once we worked our way through the car park full of BMW's and Audi's (I mean literally not a lot else) We walked into the main reception area, the ceiling is 10 stories high and the reception area alone is bigger than my whole flat. It is decorated in luxury that I would kill to own and yet is still inviting.

after a short walk we get to the waiting area and get taken through to a large room that light and airy, with 3 of the 4 walls looking onto the green. We are there for some afternoon tea, and what a tea it was.
to begin with we got a choice of teas, they came lined up in test tube style jars and we had to make a choice. I decided on Blackcurrant and Ella chose White Peony and I have to say that hers was beautiful, It was delicate and sweet, mine tasted a little like ribena, but I liked it. Each pot was large and we got about 5 cups out of it.

After a short wait, along came a 3 tier serving tray full of finger sandwiches and sweet deserts. there was so much choice I cant remember half of it. There was chicken with a basil pesto mayo, the afternoon tea expected cucumber sandwich, also some egg mayo in tiny little rolls that were really cute. Smoked salmon and pastrami, shallot mayonnaise on a mini bagel and a cheese and leek tartlet. It was all so pretty, I didn't really want to ruin the aesthetics, however I tucked in and was treated to a delight.

Onto the sweets and there were orange and ginger biscuit cupcakes, rhubarb and custard on shortbread (though it was called a red berry chocolate truffle and we both thought it was strawberry or raspberry until we bit in and got the full flavour). Then there was an apple snow and Welsh honey Madeline, a cappuchino pecan layer cake and my personal favourite in the selection a banoffee fudge delice with Calady Island chocolate ganache, which was just amazing, It melted in your mouth and no flavour overpowered the other, it was just perfect.

Finally once our huge pots of tea where almost finished and out plates were cleared away we still had scones to devour, so with a huge dollop of clotted cream that had a little lemon in it and a nice slather of jam, we ate until we were stuffed. It was a truly brilliant little surprise and a little indulgence between two friends is a perfect way to spend a midweek afternoon.

Celtic Manor Hotel in Newport, South Wales - Website here

Why not visit my friends Blog page - Hello Wonderful