Loosing Weight - Beauty standards?

 With more media portrayal of slim women and more pressure everyday to look a certain way, weight loss has become a booming business, supplying fitness machines, dvd's, games, books, medication and all manner of 'Miracle Products' to help aid in any weight loss. When I started to take up my blogging again, my first post was about what I wanted to achieve in this year. Loosing some weight was a main goal for me and I bit a hard bullet by admitting my weight, which after some reflection I know I let spiral. So 10 weeks into my diet and I am over halfway to my goal. I started at 20st 7lb, today I am 18st 5lb and I want to get down to 16 and a half stone. I will still be obese but I wont be morbidly so at my goal weight. I will eventually go further, but I want to do it slow and steady and improve my chances of keeping it off but lowering by 'maximum weight' by a stone at a time, If I reach my goal within 4 months I may push for one more stone, but I then intend to learn how to maintain my weight for a while so I don't put it all back on.

 Why am I loosing weight? well it's not because anyone has told me so, everyone in my life is supportive and understanding and have never mentioned my weight beyond a few comments in regards to health. I want to drop the sizes because I have a few health issues that are not caused by the weight but are exasperated by it. I want to be able to see items of clothing in a shop and be able to buy them instead of finding the different cut version for the plus sizes. But most of all I want to do it for me. I will never be a size 10, and my dream goal would be to fit in a 16 (borderline 14 with clothes that have give) but I would happily settle to be a size 18.

 There can be a lot of stigmata for a fat or fatter person, from saying they are lazy to disgusting, that it's a life style choice to sheer gluttony. Yes there are a lot of people out there that enjoying being large that revel in it and that make a living from keeping the pounds on, but the truth is they are far and few between. The majority of the larger population have just (without meaning to) allowed themselves to gain more. Like myself, I have always been bigger then the average, but a few extra meals here and a larger portion there and before I knew it my 'maximum weight' kept creeping up. The other end of the scale isn't perfect either, in face you can have more lasting issues from being underweight. I am not lazy either, I work where I spend 7 hours a day 3 days a week running around and I don't spend all my spare time on my bottom.

I see a lot being said that if you large you must have high cholesterol, high blood pressure, borderline diabetes and these are all serious issues that can come with being bigger, but I have none of these. In fact I know more people who are of normal weight with these issues than larger folks. Being bigger increases your chance of complications but bad genes can also be such a reason.

 The likelihood of being chastised because you are too slim is far less than if you are too fat. The world will never let us be happy with who we are because we as a race strive for perfection, we have a more negative than positive look at things. Instead of saying whats good we say whats bad. We don't necessarily give compliments where they are due but we are more than happy to critique. So why are we so quick to make snap judgements about why a person is the way they are? I believe that its ingrained in us to see beauty in a certain way and if you are outside that 'norm' then you are not beautiful. I believe this is a pig headed view and wish I could shake some sense into the people that truly believe that you are ugly and disgusting if you are fat. I have had skinny friends, I have had average friends, I have had larger friends and I have had fat friends. They are all beautiful, all individual, all amazing in their strengths. I have never looked at them and thought they would look better a stone lighter.

When I started writing this post I intended it to be a how I've done it. Its turned more into a why and a statement instead. No matter whether you have eaten a ton of cake or just have a glandular issue, we are all allowed to be who we want. This stands no matter what you are; skinny, fat, gay, ginger, religious, young or old. I truly believe that we are all beautiful, I may not be thin but my hair is soft and long, My nose may be too wide but my eyes have flecks of hazel in them that light up in the sun. Beauty is a matter of perspective, and like a flower, we all have little flaws but they do not stop the overall view from being breathtaking and beautiful.

New Year, New Start, New Me?

With a gap of 6 months, A loss of my motivation and energy has meant that I have not found the time to blog. It's all a excuse, I could have made time, I could have tried harder. When you get in a rut it is hard to pull out of it. My work has been getting me down, I seem to feel ill most days without any real cause and it has just left me lethargic and without any real commitment to anything.

So with that being said, Here is what I plan to do with the new year. January may almost be over but it has had its good points. I don't really waste my time with resolutions or promises, because I never keep them. Instead I have chosen to set myself some goals. Yes, this can easily be argued as just semantics, but I find that goals are more easily achievable than a resolution that will be over by the end of the first few weeks.

My main goal this year is to confront issues more. I have a habit of letting the things that just irritate me slide and instead of airing any issues I just get pissy and moan about it to others. Where I still maintain a good old moan can do wonders for the soul, I am no longer going to moan about things that I can not change. I am going to take charge and right what has upset me and no longer be afraid that what I feel will damage a relationship. Basically its time for me to grow up.

My next goal is to loose weight. I have no real set amount, I just want to be healthier and happier in myself. I am a fat girl, and I don't care, I just no longer want to be a size 26 and tipping the scales at over 20st. That is a shocking fact for me to admit, for me to put my weight out there to the world. The heaviest I have ever been is 20st 10lb and that was 3 years ago. Just after Christmas I got on the scales and was 20st 7lb, not the worst but a shock. I have always had a cut off point of 20st, if I go over I diet instantly. but I want that cut off point to be at least 3 stone lighter and ideally I would like to be a size 18 again, which I was 8 years ago. In 3 weeks I have lost 1st 3lb, so I am on my way. Id like to say I will stick to it, but my faith has been worn away from years of doing this. So all I want is a cut off point of 17st, to some that is still crazily fat and obese, but I am pretty happy with it as I've always been big.

My remaining goals are to get my flat the way I want it, I have started by buying a unit that actually takes all my DVDs and buying a wardrobe. We have a lot to go, but my husband and myself  have been given so much and we have been grateful, but its time to choose our own furniture and to make our flat our own. Also to blog more again, at least once a week. I also want to make the blog more personal with issues that I have gone through in my life, to be a voice to some who can't but to let others know that I am always willing to talk and an not ashamed of anything.

Hopefully with changes in my life, it will mean that my blog will also have more content and be less sporadic. If you have any issues that you want to talk about please feel free to contact me at any time.

Here's to a new year and may 2014 bring me closer to myself.